I'm wishing, yes I am

what i have to do to have you near me? I don't need you to be near me physically. Be near to my heart. I'm afraid i would hate this hopeless feeling, it just that i know that you are getting far from me by time. What am i supposed to do to have you by my side, being in your mind always? Really wish that i could be the only person that you've been thinking of. I really miss the moment, where I can say anything that cross through my mind, even it is good or bad, i miss the moment that you're warning me on my silly words and actions. I'm sorry, it is true that the feelings of two people which claims themselves as lover, would never ever be congruent to each other. But then, i always say that it is like it is.  We need to try hard in order to get anything. But to have your feelings towards me, it is impossible. Even i have tried so hard, if your heart does not have a vacant for me, there's no use. :'(

"And I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here"

"All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here"

-Avril Lavigne, Wish You Were Here-

perlu ke? being honest is the best yaww.

okay, straight to the point, aku tak suka kau tipu, and kau pun tak suka aku menipu. aite? mana santun kau masa mula2 aku kenal kau dulu? Aku tak kisah kalau kau nak terasa or whatever after you've read this entry. Memang nak kasi kau terasa dan supaya kau boleh recall balik janji2 kau dulu. Dah banyak kali aku pesan, aku tak kisah kau nak pergi ke mana2 pun, dengan sesapa pun, just tell me the truth. Takpayah cakap kau kat rumah tengah buat this and this but then aku still boleh discover yang kau memang tak ada pun di rumah. Kau ingat aku bodoh? Hello man, I do looks stupid, but i'm not stupid. Terkejut dengan ayat aku? Go and tell your friends lah.  Sebab aku memang tak percaya kau lagi. Kau nak cakap yang aku ni tak boleh bertolak ansur? Okay, dah banyak benda sangat aku dah tolak ansur dengan kau. But then, ada kau hargai? Oh man, aku tak mintak kau hargai aku sampai kena tatang aku macam minyak penuh or what so ever. Boleh kau respect aku? Hah, aku tahu, tak style lah kau pulak kena respect budak mentah macam aku ni kan? i don't even reach 20 years old yet pun kan? Aku bukan nak marah, aku kecewa. Kau tak jujur dengan aku. And jangan expect yang aku  nak percaya lagi kau sebab aku tahu, kau tak boleh nak buang habit kau sekarang. There's nothing much to ask for. Just go on with your life, keep doing whatever that you like most.

p/s : tidak ditujukan kepada my MF. sekian.

I just love doing stupid things. betul lah tu.

            There's many things i'm wishing i didn't do.  I'm sorry for not being a kind of person you're wishing to have. Well if you ask me, it is all about the past. There's nothing good in tracking it back. I'm trying to live my life to the fullest. People change. The same goes to their heart, their thinking on things in this world. They can easily create such promises that they know aren't gonna be fulfilled by themselves. Being left and leaving? What's the big deal with that? Just accept that as a part of our life. Get use to this kind of thing. What's the use of the overwhelming kind of love if there's always cheating and being cheat? Just so you know your partner aren't going to create a fuss in your relationship, so just go with the flow. Isn't it fun? It is fun because it is a kind of uncertainty in your life. I strongly believes that uncertainty is suppose to be fun and challenging because we cannot expect what's gonna happen in future. So i just love doing stupid things. Thank you.

Over and over again. To MF, thanks for tickling my mind up. That's all for tonight. Assalamualaikum.

a quote

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation, 

therefore i am learning from those experiences that the greater part 

of my happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, 

and not upon our circumstances.

# by: Martha Washington

terasa sayang dengan angka 3.85

Boleh macam tu? Dua sem berturut dapat result yang sama. sangat tak expect macam ni. apa apa pun, alhamdulillah. :D

p/s: this short post is suppose to be created on 4th November 2011.

your way and i don't care .

Maybe this is your only way to treat me, the only little trouble maker in your life. I'm making such faces, doesn't mean i hate you. walking faster than me, and leaving me behind. i'm trying to stop, but you still continue your walk. yes i'd stop communicate with you. but then what's wrong with you, leaving me just like you don't care at all? telling you that i'm going somewhere else, and yet you don't even act like you care.

But then, you have to know something. i'm going out tonight not just because of my own business, it's because i can't study due to lack of concentration and mood, and the most significant thing is, i wanna see you . My last paper is on Sunday, but still, i don't start on studying yet. i don't care bout my result next. and yet, i don't care if i didn't get dean's list for this semester. I DON'T CARE. i know i do not did my best for this sem. yeah, i didn't manage my time wisely.  what to do. there's only one paper left.Allah knows better, what is actually i'm enduring right now . thank you .

between sakit hati and masalah yang menekankan

i would rather choose untuk sakit hati, which means bila problems dah settle, ataupun things that are not affecting myself.  Memang lah sakit hati tu still affect my heart, but still, it is better than masalah yang datang bertimpa2. aku tak minta orang respect aku, and yet, treat people as how you wanna be treated. that is the right wayyyy. Orang cakap, jauh perjalanan, luas pengetahuan. yea, itu sangat betul. Lagi jauh aku dari family aku, aku semakin nampak onar sebenar kehidupan yang aku sedang alami.

I don't judge people by just looking at their appearance. kau nak gedik ke, kau nak perasan hot ke, kau nak perasan bagus ke, i don't care. kadang2 orang macam ni lah yang boleh buat kita aware about ourselves. Once kita dah dapat kawan, in the other word is sahabat, appreciate. jangan silap langkah. tahu kan what are the effects kalau kita sakitkan hati orang, buat orang menangis.

Aku suka cakap 'relax, Allah ada'.  yea, once i said this phrase, aku akan rasa tenang, lupa akan masalah even untuk sekejap. kalau boleh, aku nak jadi kawan yang paling disenangi, being helpful for my friends. sebab aku tahu, what is the feeling when we are being ignored. Ignorance is a great torture, tambah2 bila kawan sendiri. Once aku dah yakin 100% dengan kawan2 aku, i will feel relieve. sebab, kawan2 lah yang selalu ada dengan kita, tambah2 bila jauh dari family.

and yea, aku lebih rela untuk sakit hati, daripada tension fikir pasal masalah yang entah ada jalan penyelesaian atau tak. Alah, macam jawab maths la. Bila aku tak study, confirm2 lah tak boleh jawab paper kan? meaning, aku akan tension habis fikir macam mana nak selesaikan soalan tu. But bila dah dapat result, even ianya menyakitkan hati sebab teruk, itu lebih baik daripada nak fikir jalan penyelesaian tadi.  Thus, aku pilih untuk sakit hati, daripada takde jalan untuk selesaikan masalah yang buat aku tertekan.  sekian, terima kasih .

sorry lah .

It is not because the stupid jealousy thingy, it was all about the way you are treating me. FUFU.  There's two paths in front of me, which one is wisely to be chose? i am not really sure about it.  Sometimes the first one seems bitter, and sometimes it seems better than the second one.  To make a wise decision in your life, it is not as easy as ordering ABC at the Mak Timah's stall.  people change, and it may shows a fluctuate effect in a linear graph, if there's a person doing a research on these irregular changes on people in this universe .  gimme the proves, if you really ever want me to be the only rose . If this is really the way that you have chose, to treat me, it will be VERY, and TOO fine for me.  i'd never put 100% trust on those, the men which most of the people will call EX.  But you, you're different. you've got my 99% of my trust.  kbye .

Mandarin Idol 2011 (UiTM Jengka, Pahang)

nampak title di atas? Mandarin Idol julung2 kalinya diadakan oleh pihak UiTM Pahang. So, every single class which taking Mandarin subject has to take part in this competition. shortly, my class buat persembahan ala2 cheer leading. using pom-pom(made from tali rafia), wearing glove, socks and apron. cuba bayangkan. ce cuba. :P

nak dijadikan cerita, there are 7 orang yang terlibat for menari using the props i'd mention above. and aku salah seorang daripadanya. yang lain was divided into bahagian penyorak and menyanyi. okay that's about the persembahan.

now cerita pasal aku, si kayu dan keras tak reti menari tapi nak jugak join.waktu training, memang ada classmate aku yang tegur aku menari cam kayu. i have to accept that. dah memang kayu, kayu lah, takkan nak jadi kain pulak kan.

okay tiba waktu yang ditunggu (turn kitorang ke 15, last one). memang rasa malu gila at that time tapi i have to proceed. kat atas stage tu, memang aku buat selamba habis, macam takda orang tengok. tak pecaya? tanya orang yang dah tengok. haha. eh, ada juri komen tau ! ala2 AF macam tu lah. pelik? aku pun pelik. the judges was saying 'persembahan yang menarik', and the other one was saying 'menarik, but suara lelaki tenggelam, but overall memang best'. wah, tak sia2 training . :D

lepas persembahan, there's somebody telling me that, tadi ada tengok robot berjoget kat atas stage. F! aku dah agak, memang aku kayu time tu. they say that, muka aku macam nak marah orang. HAHA. what to do, dah memang aku tak boleh ! even tak menang tempat 1,2,3, kitorang manage to fall on the 4th place. tapi, takde present lah ea. apa2 pun, we were having fun at that night !

 yang menari malam tu.

penari + penyanyi + penyorak = OM1143E